


Scar Tissue

by cosmicdiamond



Category: Hiveswap
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22838437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicdiamond/pseuds/cosmicdiamond
Summary: A first date takes an unexpected turn.
Relationships: ?????? Elwurd/Lynera Skalbi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	Scar Tissue

**Author's Note:**

> Rated teen and up for: characters undressing, references to self harm, references to mild alcohol use, references to surgery, and discussions of bodily autonomy and body image that may be upsetting to some readers.

Elwurd closed the door behind her and Lynera, her keys jingling lightly as she tossed them over onto the living room couch. Lynera lagged behind, standing in the entryway completely stick-straight, too nervous to move. 

“What a craaaaaaaazy night huh? I cant beLieve that oLive at the bar could fit aLL those oblong meat products into her squawk gaper! LoL.” Elwurd chuckled. 

“It was… an interesting experience. A bit loud and uncouth. Could have done without the recreational use of soporifics,” Lynera answered in her crisp, overly-formal tone. 

“Aww come on, Ly. They weren’t hurting anybody.” Elwurd tried gave her a friendly elbow to the ribs, but Lynera yelped and recoiled from the unexpected advance. Then, realizing what she’d done, she quickly regained her posture, pretending to brush nonexistent debris off her sweater. 

“I cannot believe you talked me into this. Of all the irresponsible things, honestly. I have duties tomorrow. Bronya won’t be happy when-” Lynera prattled on, wringing out her hands anxiously and tugging at the collar of her shirt. 

“So you’re gone for one day. Big deaL.” Elwurd started strolling towards the staircase, shrugging off her jacket and tossing it onto the ground behind her. “Bronya’d probably prefer you stay the day instead of going back alone this late anyways. I heard the shadow droppers are extra aggressive this time of year. She’d be veeeeeeeery unhappy if her second in command was minced into feedstock.” Lynera rolled her eyes at this. 

“Elwurd, everybody knows shadow droppers are herbivores. The unwinged legions of the undead are what you need to worry about, they have an acute sense of smell and a highly refined taste for troll exoskeleton-” 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Elwurd waved the topic away. “It’s getting Late though, Ly. You wanna crash?” 

“Crash?” lynera looked puzzled 

“Yeah, yknow. Like, sLeeping and stuff. That thing you do every day when you get in the coop.” 

“oh…” Lynera gripped the violet bag she’d been carrying around all night. She’d brought a pair of pajamas just in case, never imagined this situation would actually happen. “o-of course!” please have more than one recuperacoon, please have more than one recuperacoon, Lynera silently plead to herself as Elwurd pushed the door open to her respiteblock. 

“I’ve onLy got the one coop though. Haha. You’re cooL with sharing right?” Elwurd scratched awkwardly behind her head, a slight blue tinge to her cheeks. Lynera felt her face go hot and her palms get sweaty as she stared at the single, king sized recuperacoon sitting in the corner of the room. 

“Oh, i don’t know, I- you have a loungeplank, right? m-maybe I could sleep on the loungeplank, or just on the floor here, I wouldn’t want to impose, you know, recuperacoons are so-” Elwurd found it impressive how fast Lynera could talk when she’s nervous. 

“It’s fine if you don’t wanna. Bronya didn’t want to share after our first date either, LoL” Elwurd chuckled a bit, reminiscing. 

“Date?” That was a date?” Lynera asked. 

“Um…. yes? We went on a date because we’re, Like, dating, right?” Elwurd responded. Lynera looked a bit star-struck and completely terrified at the same time. Her claws dug into her palms. 

“I thought we might be, but I didn’t want to presume anything, there was always the off chance you just felt bad for me, or that we were just on an informal outing as friends, and I-I-” lynera sputtered. 

“Yknow, Lynera, usuaLLy peopLe wiLL want to spend time with you because they Like you and vaLue your company. Like i do.” Elwurd tried again to touch Lynera, this time putting an arm on her shoulder. Lynera flinched, but didn’t recoil. The two had been rather conservative with contact all night; Elwurd really liked Lynera, but she knew Lynera is a nervous type, and didn’t want to scare her off by immediately asking for something like a kiss. 

“Yes, yes, of course. I suppose we should change for… for sleep, right?” 

“Oh right, sLeep! This’LL just be a sec.” Lynera’s face flushed bright green as Elwurd unbuckled her belt and started shimmying out of the tight ripped jeans she’d been wearing that evening. She had her jeans down around her ankles when she noticed Lynera was still watching. 

“Um… are you gonna sLeep in your sweater vest…?” Elwurd asked. lynera yelped and quickly covered her eyes. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry! You caught me off guard, Elwurd!” Lynera’s voice cracked, she was clearly embarrassed. 

“Dude, it’s fine, it’s not like I’m gonna be wearing more than just these in the coop anyways.” Elwurd gestured at her dark red boxers. They had a white floral hawaiian pattern on them. She followed this statement by kicking her jeans off and getting started on the shirt, which was a bit of a task considering the shape of her horns. 

“Do you have another room i could um…. change in?” Lynera was wringing her hands out again, feeling embarrassed about having to ask. 

“Sure dude. Bathroom’s down the haLL,” Elwurd said nonchalantly, fiddling with the temperature and filtration settings on her recuperacoon. Silently, Lynera slipped out of the room, still gripping her violet handbag.  
  


Lynera set her pajamas on the sink counter and sat down on the edge of the ablution trap. In fitting Elwurd fashion, the bathroom was an absolute mess, she had to push aside seven different bottles of men’s hair gel to find a place for her pajamas. She drummed her claws against her chin, staring at the clothes anxiously. They were the same pajamas she wore all the time; a classic violet nylon two-piece, Bronya got it for her because it matched her favorite pair of glasses. Plenty of exposed midriff to give her grub scars room to filter slime. Nothing wrong with it from a technical standpoint. But, since all troll pajamas are essentially swimsuits or underwear, it showed much more skin than lynera was comfortable with. This became very apparent as lynera looked at herself in the suit in the bathroom’s full length mirror. She never let anybody see her wear this, it was just so completely different from her usual attire. It barely covered anything and there was too much to look at; her awkward, gangly limbs, the far-too-obvious curve of her hips, the outfit’s plunging neckline, and the scars on almost every inch of her arms, these were the things she wanted to hide from the world. Having everything exposed made her feel so vulnerable, like every troll in the world was looking at her. The more she stared at her reflection, the harder her heart pounded. Sweat trickled at her forehead, and she was starting to feel sick to her stomach. She stumbled back, resting on the edge of the trap. The emotions were cresting over her like a wave, threatening to drown her.  
  


Lynera was ripped from her subconscious by a knock at the door. She scrambled up from the side of the ablution trap, her ruckus sending a 3 in 1 shampoo bottle clattering to the ground. 

“You aLright in there dude? It’s been Like, fifteen minutes.” It was Elwurd. She sounded mildly concerned. To Lynera’s horror, a lump formed in her throat as she started to respond. 

_You cant do this! not now! You cant cry on the only date you’ve ever had!_

“I’m completely fine!” Lynera gasped out, her voice wobbling. 

“You don’t sound fine. Are you hurt?” Elwurd jiggled the doorknob. 

“N-no!!” Lynera’s eyes were starting to prickle and burn as tears pooled up at their corners. This was going about as horribly as anything ever could. She sniffled deeply. “I said i’m fine!” 

“You’re very cLearLy crying. Are you decent? Can i come in?” Elwurd tried the dorknob again. 

“Don’t come in! Don’t look at me!” Lynera shouted, scrambling for a towel or anything to wrap around herself. 

“Okay, I wont come in. Can we… uh… taLk about it then maybe? I’m not the best at Like, feeLings or whatever, but you can stiLL teLL me what you’re feeLing and I’LL Listen.” 

“I cant! You wouldn’t understand. You’d think it’s stupid!” Lynera buried her face in her hands. 

“I dunno man. You sound pretty messed up. If it bothers you this much, it can’t be stupid.” 

“Do you promise you won’t laugh at me?” Lynera was pressed up against the door, tentatively fiddling with the lock. 

“of course i won’t Laugh at you, Ly. I’m Like…. in Love with you?” Elwurd said tentatively. The last statement gave lynera butterflies in her stomach. Nobody had ever said that to her before. She undid the lock and opened the door. Unfortunately, Elwurd had been leaned up against it, and she fell flat on her back, with lynera standing over her. The two of them stared at each other for a second before Lynera exclaimed loudly and ripped a towel off its hook to cover herself up. 

“Haha. You’re reaLLy cute. Did anyone ever teLL you that?” Elwurd said from her spot on the floor. Lynera was mortified. 

“No! Nobody has ever told me that.” Lynera said, her face hot. “I-im sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see me like this!” 

“It’s okay LoL. Everybody’s gotta have a good cry once in a whiLe.” Elwurd said, surprisingly unbothered by the present situation. 

“That’s... not what I meant.” Lynera was avoiding eye contact with Elwurd, pulling at the fibers of the towel. 

“Then what did you mean?” Elwurd rolled over and sat up, leaning back against the bathroom wall and giving Lynera a concerned look. 

“I’ve never, um, worn this in front of anyone before.” Lynera held the towel even tighter around herself, ashamed she’d let Elwurd see what was underneath. 

“What? Don’t you have Like, three blockmates??” 

“I always go to bed before them and wake up first. They never see me in anything but my uniform. If Lanque saw me wearing this, he would never let me hear the end of it.” Lynera said miserably. 

“That’s ridicuLous, Lynera. Literally everybody wears pajamas,” Elwurd responded. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” 

“It’s not the pajamas he would make fun of. It’s the rest of me.” Tears were streaming down Lynera’s face at this point. “Oh Elwurd, I’m so sorry. This is a complete disaster. I ruined the only date I’ve ever been on. You probably don’t want anything to do with me after seeing me like this. My body, my scars, I’m repulsive.” 

“No offense Lynera, but I aLways knew you were kinda fucked up.” Elwurd said dryly. 

“Gee, thanks.” Lynera was looking at the floor. 

“Who isn’t though?” This got Lynera’s attention. Elwurd sat up a bit straighter and motioned at the scars on her chest. “What’d you think these were? Beauty marks?” Lyneras mouth twitched up a bit at the corners. Her grip on the towel loosened. 

“How did you even get those? They look deep. It must have been a close encounter.” Lynera asked inquisitively, leaning forward to look closer at Elwurd’s scars, like a crab coming out of its shell. 

“They’re not from an injury or anything. A sweep or two ago I had a surgery, and that’s aLL that’s Left.” 

“I’m not sure I understand.” Lynera scratched her head. The towel was sliding off her shoulders. 

“Yknow, I got tired of the oL rumbLe spheres, so I paid some cLown to come in with an axe and Lop them off” elwurd shrugged. 

“You WHAT? Elwurd, that’s incredibly dangerous and irresponsible! Why would you do something like that?” Lynera was mortified. 

“It wasn’t that big a deaL. I didn’t Like a part of my body, so I changed it. It wasn’t the first time, and it wasn’t the Last either. When aLL was said and done, I Learned to Love myseLf more. I think the best part’s not needing to wear a shirt anymore.” Elwurd chuckled a bit. 

“Wow… I never knew this about you, Elwurd. I…. I feel a bit silly now. I wish I could be as confident as you...” Lynera said, scratching behind her head awkwardly. Elwurd scooted over so she was sitting next to Lynera. 

“Don’t feeL siLLy dude. Learning seLf acceptance is a Long, hard road. If you saw me three sweeps ago, you wouLdn’t even recognize me!” 

“Me neither…. Three sweeps ago I hadn’t even joined the cloisters yet. So much of my life has changed since then. So many good things have come of it, but so many awful as well….” Lynera looked away wistfully. Without thinking, she leaned over, resting her head on Elwurd’s shoulder. 

“The cLoisters do seem Like they can be a bit of a drag.” Elwurd tempted fate by raising her arm and putting it around Lynera’s shoulders, but luckily Lynera was too deep in her own thoughts to notice. 

“When you’re cloistered, it’s… it’s hard to feel like your body is your own. We’re restricted from doing so many things. They tell us how to act, how we’re supposed to look, how we have to dress. If I wanted something like your procedure done, it would take a nightmare’s worth of paperwork. The empire claims cloistered jades’ bodies as their property the second we hatch just because we COULD be egg-bearers, and our inability to take on that role means they’ve got to punish us somehow. With a life of chastity and servitude.” Lynera was fiddling with her hands again nervously. 

“That’s awfuL. I thought you Liked the caverns!” Elwurd exclaimed. 

“I do, I do! Bronya saved my life when she invited me into the caverns. After losing my hive and my lusus, I thought I was a goner. But I got a second chance there. The other jades may not like me a whole bunch… But facilitating the emergence of new life, getting to help the young ones grow up.. it really makes all the pain worth it.” Lynera had a melancholy smile on her face now. 

“Lynera, i think that’s awesome. The things you and the other jades do, I don’t think i couLd ever do something Like that. I know how hard you Lot work and I know I seem aLL fLippant or whatever about it, but reaLLy the fact that you’re wiLLing to keep going even when you feeL Like your worLd is against you… it’s just incredible. And Look, you’re not even wearing the toweL anymore!” Elwurd was beaming with pride at Lynera, whose face went green for the fifteenth time that night. She quickly grabbed the towel and wrapped it around her again. 

“No, no! Augh, that was so foolish. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be doing this, I’m breaking so many cloister rules right now!” 

“Hey, hey, its aLright! Don’t freak out on me. I think you shouLd stop doing what the cLoister wants you to do, and start doing what YOU want to do.” Elwurd said, looking Lynera directly in the eyes. 

“But I don’t want to abandon my duties! I love to care for the wigglers, and do my research, and tend to the mother grubs, and-” Lynera said, growing frantic. 

“You don’t have to stop doing that. Just… do it for yourseLf. Do it because it’s what you Love. Not because it’s what’s expected of you. You can own your body AND care for wiggLers, Lynera.” 

“You really think so?” Lynera stopped and considered this for a minute. “No, i think you’re right. I should do what i want to do.” 

“So teLL, me Lynera, what do you want?” Elwurd asked. 

“i…. i want to love myself! and i’m gonna start by doing THIS!” In one motion, Lynera whipped off the towel and tossed it over the side of the ablution trap. She stumbled a bit emotionally, taken aback by her own action. Elwurd was staring at her, every part of her, wide eyed, blue in the face. 

“Lynera, you’re……. you’re beautifuL!” Elwurd said excitedly. More excited than Lynera had ever heard her. “Every part of you. Even the parts you don’t Like!” Lynera was blushing even more now, but she was smiling too, and even laughing a bit. She buried her face in her hands, and Elwurd wrapped her arms around her. Lynera didn’t allow herself to recoil this time. The sensation of her skin, hot with embarrassment and anxiety, pressed against Elwurd’s cool skin felt better than any cocoon of slime. It felt good to feel. The hug didn’t feel cold, not this time. 

“Lynera, wouLd you be okay if we… kissed?” The question shouldn’t have been such a shock to Lynera. 

“Really? I- I’ve never kissed anyone before.. I doubt I’d be good at it,” lynera stammered, her grip around Elwurd’s midsection tightening. 

“I know I know, I’m sorry. I was afraid I wouLd come on too strong if I asked for a kiss, but I reaLLy, reaLLy Like you…” Elwurd trailed off. Lynera pulled back from the hug, her face a tad bemused. 

“You thought asking for a kiss was coming on too strong, but you took of your pants in front of me?” All Elwurd could do in response to this was shrug. The two sat in silence for a beat, and then they broke into laughter. The laughter brought a sort of camaraderie Lynera had never felt before. This laughter was not borne of cruel mockery, but rather a shared experience between two girlfriends. But then, the laughter trailed off, and they were in silence again. Lynera turned to Elwurd and the two shared an understanding glance, and lynera leaned in slowly. When their lips met, Lynera felt her stomach do a somersault, but this time, it was a good feeling. She moved her hand and rested it on Elwurd’s, the coolness of Elwurd’s skin spreading through Lynera, calming her, like getting in a cold shower on a hot, hot night. In that moment there was just the two of them, in their pajamas, alone on the cool tiled floor of a bathroom. And it was incredible.  
  


After the kiss, the night shared in the recuperacoon didn’t seem so bad. Lynera gladly allowed Elwurd to lead her back to her room. The coop, now heated up, was the perfect temperature to keep two trolls comfortable all day. As Elwurd drifted off to sleep, she absentmindedly rolled over and put her arm over Lynera. Lynera went rigid at first, but allowed herself to relax. After all, she wasn’t doing this because of rules or regulations or unrealistic expectations. She was doing it for herself.


End file.
